This is one of the most unintentionally funny political rants I have ever seen.
Archive for the ‘Shine on you crazy diamond’ Category
My personal favorite line (by Stephen Colbert)
Libertarians believe it is my right to varnish in an unventilated room.
Sorry, couldn’t resist that headline after LNC Treasurer Aaron Starr (in LFV comments) made a reference to libertarian “bloodsports”. ;-)
The following are comments left on the latest LFV exclusive regarding George Phillies having been contacted by an outside attorney, about a potential lawsuit brewing for New Hampshire.
Aaron Starr, LNC Treasurer:
This might be interesting if it were accurate.
However, the LNC has been informed on more than one occasion concerning the potential opportunity for a lawsuit in New Hampshire to establish for our party the permanent right for candidate substitution, so that we will not have this problem again in the future.
No lawsuit has been filed yet.
On May 22nd, during the LNC pre-convention meeting in Denver, staff presented in its report the possibility of our needing to sue in New Hampshire.
The report is included in the minutes. Members of the LNC board members who are purported to not know anything about this received copies of these minutes and voted for their approval.
In addition, in a cursory search of e-mails to the entire LNC, I was able to find a ballot access update dated June 29th that further discussed the legal situation in New Hampshire. There are probably other updates, should I care to look for them.
In the case of Bill Hall, our legal counsel, the LNC has been updated by him as recently as today as to the status of this potential litigation. Of course, attorney-client privilege issues prevent me from sharing the contents of this communique with anyone else.
Libertarian National Committee
Professor George Phillies, qualified NH LP presidential candidate and probable defendant in said not-yet-filed lawsuit:
Starr’s claims about the suit are disingenuous. There are indeed representations in the LNC Minutes and other places about discussing litigation as a possible alternative path in New Hampshire. There is no indication that an attorney had been retained or was going to be retained.
That’s entirely different from having an attorney, not Bill Hall, telephone interested parties to make statements rather more positive than discussing alternatives.
As an analogy, as late as 1936 the War Department updated its plans for war with Canada, a fact that Congress could have determined. South Park notwithstanding, telling Congress this minor fact did not constitute asking Congress to approve war with Canada.
There is no representation in those statements to the LNC about actually spending money to pay the attorney in question, seeking the LNC’s approval to spend money or discuss litigation with interested parties, or having the attorney discuss with affected parties while representing himself as the LNC’s attorney, which he assuredly would not have done if he had not been retained, whether for pay or pro bono.
I should point out that the sort of phone call that I heard might or might not already have led other interested parties to retain their own counsel.
As to whether the LNC is paying him for something, well, the most recent LNC FEC filing shows a large sum of money going in his direction, so there is no question that the LNC has already actually spent money, without notifying the LNC itself that that money is actually being spent.
Angela Keaton, LNC At-Large Representative:
A.) What is the proper LNC procedure in the initiation of a lawsuit? Does a mention of the possibility of such in a staff report released between LNC meetings constitute proper notice to the board? Do Haugh and Kraus have the authority to initiate a law suit without putting it to a vote of the entire LNC? If Redpath has the sole authority, what is the fiduciary duty with regard to financial priorities during severe shortfalls?
B.) Is the suit a political payback stemming from a confrontation between Carling/Karlan/Sundwall and Macia and Phillies/McMahon at the LPNY ‘07 convention? Did that confrontation result as of Carling overstepping what was agreed upon by members of the LNC? Is it a relevant fact that M Carling proposed to strip George Phillies of his life membership at the July ‘07 LNC meeting? Is it a relevant fact that Aaron Starr proposed an affiliate agreement which singled out LPNH for a daunting level of control by the LNC? (Starr lated withdrew after I made the case that it would lead to infighting and bitterness. Who knew?) What does the ExCom of LPNH want?
C.) What is the responsibility of the Barr/Root campaign for handling ballot access? Is it a mis characterization to state that LPNH has no ballot access when the drop dead date was August 6th and the signature validity is known? A mis characterization that there is no LP ballot access if Phillies/Bennett ticket has made the ballot? Does it matter if both are on the ballot? Does it make any difference who is on the ballot as long as the libertarian label is on it?
Get back to me via email (angela at angelakeaton com) if any of you have serious answers so I don’t have to wade through this most worthless thread.
At Large Rep
Libertarian National Committee
I have to respectfully disagree with Ms. Keaton. The thread covered everything any redblooded libertarian could ever want to discuss …. from whether state parties overrule the national party on ballot access issues, to whether a qualified candidate must bow out for the nominee in a state which does not allow substitution, to necrophiliac fellatio, and everything in between. We even had self-described “Libertarian Republican” Eric Dondero calling out to his preferred diety, during a profanity-filled rant in which he threatened to come through the computer and rip LFV Contributor GE Smith’s head off. Now, ripping off heads is what I call a “bloodsport”, though of course making threats on LFV is never, ever acceptable, nor is it ever tolerated.
What do you think, folks? Anyone want to have a little weekend fun, and lay some bets on any of the players? Starr vs Phillies? Keaton vs Starr? Hogarth vs Phillies? Dondero vs GE? ElfNinosMom vs Dondero? Place your bets here!
Earlier this month, the jury in New Hampshire found Reno guilty on two counts, but could not reach an agreement on two other counts, resulting in a mistrial on those two undecided charges.
The government will retry those two unresolved counts on June 23, 2008, according to a recent filing in the Bob Wollfe’s docket. The prosecutors have asked the judge to delay Wolffe’s sentencing until Reno’s trial is over, because Wolffe is expected to testify against Reno as a condition of his plea agreement.
In case anyone has forgotten, Reno provided security for Ed and Elaine Brown during their standoff against the US Marshals. He was found guilty of two counts, and his two co-defendants were found guilty on all counts. To catch up on the case, merely search for “Reno” on this blog.
I couldn’t help but chuckle a bit when I read this. This is such a novelty that I’m quite sure that many people would pay top dollar for it, but not as an ancient Asian elixir. They’d buy it because it’s a bottle of vodka with a doggone rattlesnake in it, LOL.
Still, I don’t see the harm, as long as the snake’s venom doesn’t poison people who drink the beverage (though I will also note that later in the story, Bayou Bob admits that “I’ve honestly never seen a person drink it”). The state doesn’t say anything about it possibly poisoning anyone though; they’re just upset because he doesn’t have a liquor license. So it appears that the state is just worried about getting their cut.
A rattlesnake rancher who calls himself Bayou Bob found a new way to make money: Stick a rattler inside a bottle of vodka and market the concoction as an “ancient Asian elixir.” But Bayou Bob Popplewell’s bright idea appears to have landed him on the wrong side of the law, because he has no liquor license.
Popplewell, who has raised rattlesnakes and turtles at Bayou Bob’s Brazos River Rattlesnake Ranch for more than two decades, surrendered to authorities Monday. He spent about 10 minutes in jail after the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission obtained arrest warrants on misdemeanor charges of selling alcohol without a license and possessing alcohol with intent to sell.
If convicted, he faces up to a year in jail and $1,000 in fines.
Popplewell said he will fight the charges. His intent, he said, is not to sell an alcoholic beverage but a healing tonic. He said he has customers of Asian descent who believe the concoction has medicinal properties.
“It’s almost a spiritual thing,” said Popplewell, 63.
But alcohol commission agent Scott Jones pointed out that investigators confiscated 429 bottles of snake vodka and one bottle of snake tequila. At $23 a bottle, that’s almost $10,000 worth of reptilian booze.
Even if Popplewell intended his drink be used as a healing tonic — an assertion the alcohol commission disputes — his use of vodka requires a state permit, authorities said.
“It’s sold for beverage purposes, and he knows what he’s doing,” commission Sgt. Charlie Cloud said.
Dave Grohl, formerly of grunge rock groundbreakers Nirvana and founder of the Foo Fighters, has decided we should return to rock’n’roll values in this country, and to that end he has announced he is running as an Independent Presidential Candidate. He recently spoke with HARP Magazine, and here are some excerpts:
On why he’s the right candidate for the job: “There’s this redneck image of America that’s been cultivated over the last eight years by our redneck president. America has blue states, red states and all kinds of divisions, but we need someone to bring them all together—and that person is me. Every night when I’m on tour, I bring my message to thousands and thousands of people. There’s 10 thousand people that woke up this morning and felt like America is the right place to be because at our show last night they were spilling beer all over themselves and tongue kissing for two hours. What other candidate can do that?”
On what’s wrong with America: “To keep cool in the summertime as a kid I turned on the hose and I drank from it. I want America to come back to that place where we’re all drinking from the hose. I think that’s a perfect metaphor for what’s gone wrong in this country. Water is now more expensive than gasoline. How is that possible? It’s because in this country, corporate domination dictates our daily lives.”
On what will bring America together: “I think that what the country needs now is a good, smoky barbecue—family style, at least once a week, winter months included. It’s important that people bring it back to cooking over the fire as a family unit. You know what I do when I sit around a grill with my family? I talk. We talk. It’s something about that hickory smoke that brings my family together—and friends. And that’s where I really get to share and learn with my family and fellow Americans. It’s around that grill. It’s two beers, it’s three beers, it’s four beers, it’s 10 beers. This is what America needs—beer, and barbecue. It’s the red, white and barbecue.”
On George W. Bush’s 8-year reign: “I can’t think of one president that’s been more detrimental to this country than George Bush. He’s not only set us back 50 years, I think he set us back 10,000 years. Morally this country has become prehistoric. I want us to be morally futuristic. I want to be so forward focused that we redefine American morals: family, music, barbecues.”
On the immigration issue: “Let me make a musical analogy: I look at America as if it were Wembley stadium—it’s only so big but you can fit a lot of people in it. As president of the United States of America, I promise to rock the fucking house—and everyone’s invited.”
On the war in Iraq: “I’m going to make war illegal. I’m going to make war against the law. No war. None. Anywhere.”
On “change”: “I want to present a different kind of change. I want to change change. If you continue to change change then it truly becomes change whether it’s technology, society, the economy, or the spreading of democracy. I want to be the president that takes change and changes it over and over again.”
Source: HARP Magazine
Of course, this gives me an excellent excuse to post a Foo Fighters video, so here is “The Pretender”. ;-)
According to The Smoking Gun, Jose Antonio Ortiz stabbed his brother-in-law, Sean Shurelds (who was flown to a hospital, where he was admitted in critical condition) due to a disagreement about Hillary Clinton vs Barack Obama.Yes, you read that right.
Apparently Shurelds supports Obama, and Ortiz supports Clinton. While the two were in the kitchen of someone’s home (it is unclear whose home) Shurelds told Ortiz that Obama was “trashing” Clinton, and Ortiz responded that “Obama was not a realist.”
While for most people that would be pretty much the end of the conversation, not so with these two, for whom those were not just fighting words, they were stabbing words. Ortiz and Shurelds argued, began to choke and punch each other, and eventually Ortiz grabbed a knife and stabbed Shurelds in the abdomen.
Ortiz then went back to doing the dishes, including, of course, the knife he had used to stab his brother-in-law.
Not at all surprisingly, Ortiz has a case of selective memory (not unlike the typical politician), and conveniently denies any memory of the stabbing incident. He has been charged with felony aggravated assault, as well as two misdemeanor counts. Bail has been set at $20,000.
I’m sure Clinton and Obama are proud to have supporters who are willing to go that far for their chosen candidate. Or not.
Originally posted on Adventures In Frickintardistan
San Bernardino County Sheriff’s Department
Current Press Release
|PC 245 ADW / PC 182 CONSPIRACY –2/25/2008|
|APPLE VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB GOLF COURSE , Apple Valley|
|SUSPECT:||MATTHEW JOHN MYERS – DOB: 06-10-87 WMA – 20 YOA, OF APPLE VALLEY & DANIEL DOTTERRER – DOB: 09-26-87 WMA – 20 YOA, OF APPLE VALLEY|
|On Sunday, 022408 at 2131 hours, Apple Valley deputies responded to a shooting victim who had walked into the AM/PM Mini Mart at 15333 Rancherias Rd. in Apple Valley. The victim, MATTHEW MYERS was reported to have been shot in the right leg during a robbery that had occurred at the Apple Valley Country Club Golf Course where MYERS was walking alone towards the AM/PM Mini-Mart. MYERS told deputies he was walking along the golf course when he was confronted by an unknown armed suspect. The suspect robbed him of his wallet and military ID after shooting him at point blank range. MYERS was unable to obtain a description of the suspect due to the darkness. Deputies responded to the golf course to search for the suspect and crime scene with the aid of the SBCSD Sheriff’s helicopter. After an extensive search, deputies were unable to locate a suspect. MYERS received a gunshot to his right front thigh from a small caliber weapon. He was transported to St. Mary’s Hospital ER for treatment.Deputies soon discovered a different account of the shooting. Through investigation, deputies believed the robbery account could have been a ploy to cover an accidental shooting that had taken place. After further investigation, it was learned MYERS was shot in the leg with a .32 caliber revolver by his longtime friend, DANIEL DOTTERRER. Investigators believe both MYERS and DOTTERRER had conspired to the shooting because MYERS was on military leave from Iraq and did not want to return. Both MYERS and DOTTERRER were released at the conclusion of this investigation. Doctors did not remove the bullet from MYERS leg due to complications. He was treated and released. The Sheriff’s Department will be forwarding the investigation to the DA’s Office for review. MYERS was confirmed to be enlisted with the US Army, stationed out of Kentucky, and is home on temporary military leave and is due to return to Iraq.Sgt. Randy Gwaltney
Apple Valley Station
Case #: 180801133
Originally posted on Adventures In Frickintardistan
Voters in Arlington, Oregon, are very, very angry. That’s not unusual, since there are very angry voters everywhere these days.What is unusual is the reason why they are angry.
Apparently their Mayor, Carmen Kontur-Gronquist, had some photos taken to send in for a fitness magazine, and in them she was dressed in her bra and panties. This all happened before she became Mayor, incidentally. A relative posted the photos on MySpace, hoping to find the single mother a date.
I didn’t see a thing in the world wrong with the photos; the most controversial of them is posted at top left. Basically, she’s showing off her rock-hard abs, and if I had abs like hers, I’d be showing mine off too. So what. Those photos are no different from any other photos for a woman’s fitness magazine, because I used to read some of those periodicals myself, back when I was into bodybuilding and fitness. In fact, her photos actually showed a lot less than they usually show in those magazines. Those types of photos are not at all sexual in nature, though, because they are intended only for other women to see, as inspiration in their fitness routines.
The people of Arlington, however, are absolutely outraged over those photos, and they actually threw her out of office for it.
When I first heard this story back when it first broke I thought, no way would a town actually recall their Mayor for posing for a fitness magazine. After all, Arnold Schwarzenegger made his living as a bodybuilder, and even posed fully nude multiple times, and he’s the Governor of California.
I was wrong, because they did recall her. The vote was 142-139 in favor of throwing her out of office.
If we are still so backward in this country that we’d throw a woman out of elected office merely for posing for a fitness magazine, covering more than the average bathing suit covers, are we really ready for a female president? Or would Congress impeach her the first time they see a picture of her in a bathing suit?
What do you think? Is it just that one town, or is most of American that narrow-minded? Given this, are we ready for a female president?
Originally posted on Adventures In Frickintardistan
Meet Jeffrey Brian Bouffard. He says most folks just call him “Bouf”, though.
Bouf is quite the stoner, it would appear. He is also running as a Libertarian for the 15th District seat in the US House of Representatives.
Here’s his autobiography, taken from his website:
Born Poughkeepsie, NY, 24 January 1973.
Grew up in Newington, CT, a suburb of Hartford.
Moved to Melbourne, Florida in 1991. 16-year Florida Resident.
– Catholic primary and middle school at St. Mary School of Newington, CT.
– Told classmates I was an Atheist by age 8.
– Graduated Newington High School in 1991, #150 of a class of 300.
– Varsity Letter – Gymnastics. Ran Track. Worked part-time all-the-time.
– Awarded a 4-year ROTC Scholarship and a Merit Scholarship. Coached gymnastics part-time while in college.
– Switched my party affiliation from Republican to Libertarian in 1993. Never looked back.
– President of my Lambda Chi Alpha Fraternity Chapter. (Beta-Nu)
– Graduated Florida Institute of Technology in 1996 with a BS in Computer Engineering.
– Served as a Nuclear, Biological, and Chemical Defense Officer for the US Army on Active Duty from 1996 – 2000, with Infantry, Chemical and Rapid Reaction Units, both overseas and in these United States.
– Taught mechanical engineering instrumentation laborotories for Kansas State University.
– Opened and operated a small business in Melbourne, Florida. It failed.
– Under-Employed in Melbourne for the last 5 years.
– Attended Concord Online Law School. Did not complete the degree requirements.
– Realized and found peace with my own inclinations concerning “spirituality”.
– After six years in the Individual Ready Reserve, I was never called to Iraq or Afghanistan, though many National Guardsmen have been. I have finally resigned my Army Commission because I am not comfortable with the thought of raising children while there are morons at the wheel of our government.
THUS, I’m running to run our government –
I will fix the broken and starve the fat.
Bouf has some very interesting videos on YouTube. Here’s one of him smoking a joint in front of the Brevard County Courthouse (Florida).
I will say this. He’s got guts, and he can rhyme. He’s also got great hair. He even dances a little bit. And I’m amazed he didn’t get busted.
In this next video, he tells others not to copycat his courthouse joint stunt unless they “really really understand” where he’s coming from. He sits in the botanical gardens at Florida Tech, talks about his beard and the fact that his mom doesn’t like it, invites Dennis Kucinich to join the LP, and talks about the Grand Unified Theory (which he admits he doesn’t really understand, but I think he was stoned again when he taped that video). He invites Snoop Dogg and Jay-Z to come hang out.
I’m not sure how successful Bouf will be as a politician (though I’d guess not very), but I’d definitely hang out with him.
Check out more of Bouf’s videos on his YouTube channel.
Originally posted on Adventures In Frickintardistan
Okay, nobody else touched this one, so I guess I will.
Kasey Kazee of Ashland, Kentucky tried to hold up a liquor store, with duct tape wrapped around his face as a disguise. (Wouldn’t masking tape work better for that purpose? Sorry, couldn’t resist.)
The store manager had some duct tape of his own, though, wrapped around a club he kept in the store for just this sort of occasion. He chased Kazee outside, and an employee held the would-be bandit in a neckhold until police arrived. EMTs removed the tape, though there doesn’t seem to be any footage of that process, unfortunately; apparently Kazee got lucky because he had been sweating so much that the tape didn’t stick well. Not surprisingly, he was quickly nicknamed “The Duct Tape Bandit”.
Hilarity ensued when, in an interview from the jail with a local television station, a very animated Kazee proclaimed “I’m not no Duct Tape Bandit”. This, you have to see to believe.
Not at all surprisingly, folks on YouTube have been having a ball. Some of them do reenactments. Another made a photoshop overlay proving that Kazee is indeed the Duct Tape Bandit (as if there was ever really a question about it) to the tune of “Photograph” by Nickelback (“look at this photograph, everytime I do it makes me laugh, how did our eyes get so red, and what the hell is on Joey’s head?”). Someone else made a fake news story about a copycat robber who wrapped his head in invisible scotch tape. One even made a very funny rap song using actual media interviews about the case, which can be heard and downloaded on zShare.
Most interestingly for our purposes, though, is that some people who actually live in Kentucky have said it won’t be long before the state enacts a law requiring a five-day waiting period and a background check for the purchase of duct tape. Also interesting is that, in a state where many are avid hunters, the store manager didn’t have a shotgun behind the counter instead of a club. Kasey Kazee really needs to be thankful he’s still alive.
So, what will happen to the Duct Tape Bandit? He faces 20 to life for robbery, and the judge and jury is likely to be unmoved though amused by his claim that they have the wrong man, given that he was caught on the scene with the duct tape still on his face. I smell an insanity defense.
I was curious about the skateboarding dog on the IPod commercials, and found this gem. I present to you … Tillman The Skateboarding Bulldog!