So, I’ve been enjoying Soulsuck, TX lately. It worries me that I’ve sort of bought into part of the dichotomy that has played out in my life. I’m poor white, Louisiana trash but I married decently enough and don’t quite know how to reconcile the balance sheet of my soul.
I went for happy hour with some new GFs from the (golf) club and somebody talked about a “pole dancer;” I didn’t feel put off though- the comments were of a general sort and I don’t think she knew that she was being offensive. Funny that the offensive nature of the comment was the ignorance attached to it.
I wondered if any of them knew how “perilously” close they are to swinging ’round a brass pole.
I wondered if any of these strong women knew exactly what they’d do without their husbands and country club memberships.
And, for the first time in my life, I recognized that they were humans JUST LIKE ME.
But, I have now the very thing that made me, in my childhood, envy them- the thing that made them think themselves better than me-CASH and ABILITY to BUY SHIT. And, I realized that they might actually know how close they are to that shiny phallic thing sticking out of a main-stage. Luckily for them, they’re all very attractive and could make a good living. Luckily for me, they’re nice people who- while spoon-fed nightly news BS- actually have some grey matter working upstairs. I think I might have met some nice chicas and pray that I’m not lost on a road to Hell.
And, believe me, I’m terrified to trust. Of course, I learned at the table tonight that I’m not uniquely playing that arena. We’re all women walking a road that we were put on sans plan. I actually paid attention to some of what I said before about caring for one another and I shut my head and mouth long enough to listen to what may have been said without words.
I’ve never been more fearful in my life.
Adding a vid that I’ve been jamming to lately because it underscores where we all may be right now- and I think that right now I might rather follow the unwise pamper wearers because I’m worried that I may start losing myself and what I know to be right. Take from that comment what you will…