For Immediate Release
AUSTIN, TX – September 29 – Suffering from a deluge of free order requests brought about by high profile placements on multiple free product promotion websites, FreeLibertarianStickers.com is demanding an immediate $700 emergency bailout from the Libertarian National Committee, Inc. (LNC), the governing body of the national Libertarian Party.
Texas based FreeLibertarianStickers.com sells low-priced Libertarian stickers plus provides free samples with “free shipping on all orders” to customers throughout the United States of America, except for Texas.
FreeLibertarianStickers.com was founded in January 2008. The graph below shows a trickling of orders from January through July which primarily resulted from publicity by placing snarky comments on another blog (TPW) with links to the site.
The first upward trend was the result of promoting FreeLibertarianStickers.com on this blog in July.
The second upward trend was September 27, when FreeLibertarianStickers.com was promoted on multiple free product promotion sites, which resulted in a deluge of “free” orders without a corresponding increase in paid orders.
Some of the free sites:
And there’s more like those, not to mention ascendancy on Google searches for libertarian stickers.
Initially caught off guard, yet quickly grasping the gravity of the situation, the owner of FreeLibertarianStickers.com, Wes Benedict, had this to say, “Oh, Shit!”
Benedict then rushed off to Wendy’s Hamburgers for a #2 meal, large, with a Diet Coke (Wendy’s does not serve Diet Dr. Pepper in Austin, but Taco Bell does).
When asked if FreeLibertarianStickers.com should suffer the consequences of offering such a risky business model, Benedict responded, “That’s not the point. We’re all in this together.”
Despite having an ego the size of Texas, Benedict claims, “This is not about me. This is not about Bob Barr. This is about stabilizing the free-to-paid order ratio that so many libertarians have come to rely on. FreeLibertarianStickers.com is just TOO BIG to FAIL!”
The ratio of free to paid orders was stable at about 10% until “FreeGate.” See the lower right hand side of FreeLibertarianStickers.com for a state-by-state report on free and paid orders as of 9/25/08. FreeGate caused an inversion of that ratio which threatens the long and short-term viability of FreeLibertarianStickers.com.
“Sticker Armageddon! That’s what we’re facing unless the LNC takes immediate action,” Benedict shouted. Benedict continues, “There’s no time for a vote by the LNC. LNC Treasurer Aaron Starr must whip out the checkbook and FedEx $700 immediately.”
To stem further losses, FreeLibertarianStickers.com is requesting that LPStuff.com and bobbarr2008.com/store/ immediately buy up all remaining inventory of FreeLibertarianStickers.com with repeated purchases in quantities of 100 at the compromised price of 29 cents each. “LPStuff and BobBarrStore can sell these items at their going rate of $3 each and use the profits to pay back the $700 payment from the LNC. That will allow FreeLibertarianStickers.com the opportunity to wiggle out of the situation using the ‘While supplies last’ clause and maintain nation-wide credibility for all involved. It’s a win-win deal,” according to Benedict’s logic.
Benedict doesn’t stop there. “It’s election season, and Libertarians I talk to are tired of losing. That’s why I’m confident this $700 winning package will succeed. Who’s going to come out against winning?”
Brian Holtz has not yet been contacted to see if he was responsible for placing the innovative, glorious, widely-loved FreeLibertarianStickers.com freedom machine website in harm’s way as a prank.
“Additional measures by FreeLibertarianStickers.com to vet customers of FreeLibertarianStickers.com may have to be taken, with, or–‘scuse me–when this bailout happens,” said Benedict. “Like, ‘Come and get it. It’s on my front porch. I’ll leave the light on for ya.'” Previously, all free requests have been mailed which costs 42 cents for a stamp for each free order. That may change.
Benedict has two Master’s Degrees from Michigan, focused on finance and manufacturing, plus B.S. from Texas. Recently, he’s focused on manufacturing financial crises and solutions.
If you’d like to put Benedict in charge of crises and solutions in Travis County, Texas, he offers the opportunity to contribute to his campaign for Travis County Commissioner at wesbenedict.com.
Wes Benedict: Owner, Candidate, Problem Creator and Solver, Libertarian
P.S.: Benedict just might direct his customers this way for additional comment