Steve G.

FreeLibertarianStickers.com demands $700 emergency bailout from LNC, Inc.

In Libertarian on September 30, 2008 at 2:37 am
FreeLibertarianStickers.com

FreeLibertarianStickers.com

For Immediate Release

AUSTIN, TX – September 29 – Suffering from a deluge of free order requests brought about by high profile placements on multiple free product promotion websites, FreeLibertarianStickers.com is demanding an immediate $700 emergency bailout from the Libertarian National Committee, Inc. (LNC), the governing body of the national Libertarian Party.

Texas based FreeLibertarianStickers.com sells low-priced Libertarian stickers plus provides free samples with “free shipping on all orders” to customers throughout the United States of America, except for Texas.

FreeLibertarianStickers.com was founded in January 2008.  The graph below shows a trickling of orders from January through July which primarily resulted from publicity by placing snarky comments on another blog (TPW) with links to the site.

The first upward trend was the result of promoting FreeLibertarianStickers.com on this blog in July.

The second upward trend was September 27, when FreeLibertarianStickers.com was promoted on multiple free product promotion sites, which resulted in a deluge of “free” orders without a corresponding increase in paid orders.

Free Sticker Orders

Free Sticker Orders

Some of the free sites:

http://freedomkeys.com/accessories.htm

http://freebiefanatics.blogspot.com/2008/09/free-libertarian-stickers.html

http://www.freestufftimes.com/27/free-libertarian-and-barr-08-sticker/

http://www.mybargainbuddy.com/forums/showthread.php?t=75408

http://www.freesamplesite.com/ydf/showthread.php?p=1662318

http://hunt4freebies.com/2008/09/27/free-libertarian-and-barr-%E2%80%9808-sticker/

And there’s more like those, not to mention ascendancy on Google searches for libertarian stickers.

Wes Benedict

Wes Benedict

Initially caught off guard, yet quickly grasping the gravity of the situation, the owner of FreeLibertarianStickers.com, Wes Benedict, had this to say, “Oh, Shit!”

Benedict then rushed off to Wendy’s Hamburgers for a #2 meal, large, with a Diet Coke (Wendy’s does not serve Diet Dr. Pepper in Austin, but Taco Bell does).

When asked if FreeLibertarianStickers.com should suffer the consequences of offering such a risky business model, Benedict responded, “That’s not the point.  We’re all in this together.”

Despite having an ego the size of Texas, Benedict claims, “This is not about me.  This is not about Bob Barr.  This is about stabilizing the free-to-paid order ratio that so many libertarians have come to rely on.  FreeLibertarianStickers.com is just TOO BIG to FAIL!”

The ratio of free to paid orders was stable at about 10% until “FreeGate.” See the lower right hand side of FreeLibertarianStickers.com for a state-by-state report on free and paid orders as of 9/25/08. FreeGate caused an inversion of that ratio which threatens the long and short-term viability of FreeLibertarianStickers.com.

“Sticker Armageddon! That’s what we’re facing unless the LNC takes immediate action,” Benedict shouted. Benedict continues, “There’s no time for a vote by the LNC.  LNC Treasurer Aaron Starr must whip out the checkbook and FedEx $700 immediately.”

To stem further losses, FreeLibertarianStickers.com is requesting that LPStuff.com and bobbarr2008.com/store/ immediately buy up all remaining inventory of FreeLibertarianStickers.com with repeated purchases in quantities of 100 at the compromised price of 29 cents each.  “LPStuff and BobBarrStore can sell these items at their going rate of $3 each and use the profits to pay back the $700 payment from the LNC. That will allow FreeLibertarianStickers.com the opportunity to wiggle out of the situation using the ‘While supplies last’ clause and maintain nation-wide credibility for all involved. It’s a win-win deal,” according to Benedict’s logic.

Benedict doesn’t stop there.  “It’s election season, and Libertarians I talk to are tired of losing.  That’s why I’m confident this $700 winning package will succeed.  Who’s going to come out against winning?”

Brian Holtz has not yet been contacted to see if he was responsible for placing the innovative, glorious, widely-loved FreeLibertarianStickers.com freedom machine website in harm’s way as a prank.

“Additional measures by FreeLibertarianStickers.com to vet customers of FreeLibertarianStickers.com may have to be taken, with, or–‘scuse me–when this bailout happens,” said Benedict. “Like, ‘Come and get it. It’s on my front porch. I’ll leave the light on for ya.'” Previously, all free requests have been mailed which costs 42 cents for a stamp for each free order. That may change.

Benedict has two Master’s Degrees from Michigan, focused on finance and manufacturing, plus B.S. from Texas. Recently, he’s focused on manufacturing financial crises and solutions.

If you’d like to put Benedict in charge of crises and solutions in Travis County, Texas, he offers the opportunity to contribute to his campaign for Travis County Commissioner at wesbenedict.com.

Contact:

Wes Benedict: Owner, Candidate, Problem Creator and Solver, Libertarian

512-442-4910

###

P.S.: Benedict just might direct his customers this way for additional comment

  1. For the parallel to work, the LP would have had to demand changes to the practices of FLS causing the change in activity. Clearly, the government demanded changes to mortgage lending practices to create part of the housing bubble (and may have influenced the change to the rating agencies classification of second mortgages as safe as first mortgages, from 2001 to 2006).

    Doesn’t LNC, Inc., own the word “Libertarian”? snicker

  2. “Benedict then rushed off to Wendy’s Hamburgers for a #2 meal, large, with a Diet Coke (Wendy’s does not serve Diet Dr. Pepper in Austin, but Taco Bell does).”

    So the initial reaction was to spend your remaining corporate funds on lavish employee benefits? Do your stockholders know about this?

    I’d recommend raising capital by issuing more stock. you should aim for $1000 in new [slush] funds to allow for further losses over the next few weeks. Based on an estimate that your stock is probably trading at about 0.000000002 per share, you will need to issue 500 trillion new shares.

    I’ll help start you off by buying five shares…

  3. Are the orders actually up?

  4. DIET Dr Pepper?!? Blasphemer! Like those extra calories are gonna kill you. Life is too short for diet drinks.

  5. Wes,

    Nice dodge with the Wendy’s meal. Avoids the allegation that you have a golden arches parachute. Also, eating at Wendy’s means you don’t risk being subjected to Texas “barbecue.”

  6. RE: cash demands

    The graph is boring. I have a hard time taking the claims seriously.

    What I really need to hear are dramatic words like “this sucker could go down” (like the commander-in-chief, GWB).

  7. With the looming collapse of the dollar, Free Libertarian Stickers could become the de facto new currency.

  8. ROFLMAOTIME!

    Wes, this is just outstandingly hilarious!

  9. THIS SUCKER COULD GO DOWN!!!

  10. Good Goddess, you run into the first tiny financial snag and you turn into a darned socialist Demopublican, demanding gifts from on high. Like they freaking care!

    (tongue firmly in cheek above)

    Seriously, I’m glad your stock is moving so well. Perhaps solicit donations?

  11. Does the LNC have $700 ? I don’t think so but it could create its very own fiat currency. Perhaps it could buy the Ron Paul Liberty dollars the fed confiscated this summer. I think Aaron Starr and Hank Paulson graduated from Columbia University together but they didn’t know each other. Hank was hanging out with his future GoldmanSachs buddies burning the chronic.

  12. Does the LNC have $700 ?

    They can borrow a million dollar bill from LPStuff.com.

    Got change?

  13. Wes, say the word and I’ll add your stickers to this iframe-embeddable slideshow of Libertarian bumper stickers, each linked to the site where you can order it: http://marketliberal.org/Slideshow.html

    Mouse in and out of the image to advance to the next one, or wait 15 seconds.

  14. Holy papercuts, Pelosi! I . DON’t . KNOW . iii . . .iiiff .. we … c.can … kkeep … … uP!

    Word! Brian! Bring it on!! MINE FIRST!!

    Yeahh!! Bap! Boom! BAM!

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