Steve G.

A Report from the 1770s by the Modern American Mainstream Media

In Crazy Claims, History, Humor, Media, Politics, Republican on December 13, 2007 at 6:04 pm

BOSTON — Calls have been recently made by fringe elements in these colonies to secede from Great Britain, which they call an “empire.”

The movement for breaking our bonds with our king has the appearance of being large.  Indeed, some are calling this a “revolution.”

In reality, only a small band of quixotic yet well-organised pamphleteers are behind this effort.  Many mail-boxes, including ours here at the New York Province Times, have been spammed with pamphlets and letters in support for this radical measure.

Donations by these out-of-touch yet apparently-wealthy radicals toward secessionary forces have been surprisingly large.  This cause has had more money directed to it than have been directed to our king–even considering his power to tax–nevertheless secession remains a long-shot cause.

Leaders of this cause, such as dark horse Patrick Henry, have given a few speeches in support for this cause.  Supporters have called these speeches “stirring,” but King George III dismisses them, noting that he is our rightful sovereign and that secession is an isolationist cause.

“These nutty rebels cannot succeed,” explained George yesterday.  “They lack the resources and the momentum.  Moreover, most of our subjects in America oppose these anti-British radicals.”

When told that some of these fringe activists actually believe our colonies can survive without British leadership, George said, “That’s really an extraordinary statement.  That’s an extraordinary statement, as someone who lived through many European wars, that the colonies can govern themselves without a government.  I don’t think I’ve heard that before, and I’ve heard some pretty absurd explanations for cutting and running from Great Britain.”

Experts say this quixotic effort will not be able to muster anything other than destructive acts like we say two years ago in the Harbour of Boston.  This cause will fizzle away any day now.

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  1. I love that video.

  2. Good post. I posted something similiar in my comments here a few months ago – as in comparing today’s situation with the 1700’s – and I was called “bat shit crazy” or a “wacko” or something like that.

  3. Do you remember which post that was on?

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